A SENSE OF PLACE

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Painting by John DiLorenzo

"Everything is on its way to becoming something else." - Dave Hickey

If the above is true (and I'm quite sure it is), how do we find a sense of place?  I've been chasing the idea of feeling grounded my whole life.  Looking for a solid, non-shifting plate on which to stand.  It doesn't exist.

Seven years ago I felt the deep shift.  My mother, my friend Elise, my father-in-law all died within two weeks of each other.  Mortality came home.  I was scared.  Fear settled in and finally I sunk. I went down into the mire of my frightened mind, a bottomless fault line of self pity.

If everything is constantly in a state of flux, where nothing ever stays the same anyway, what's the point?  From this place, there was no point.  Asking 'Why?' was getting me exactly nowhere.  Then it occurred to me that my question was missing something.  And so I began asking myself, 'Why Not?'.

Adding that one word changed everything.  Bad things happen, good things happen, mediocre things happen, sometimes nothing happens.  'Why Not?' indeed.

I made a list.  It started with:

Wine is not your ally.  Let it go...

Which led to a deeper practice on my mat...

Which led to teacher training in Childrens Yoga...

Which led to starting a yoga program for underserved children in Bridgehampton, NY...

Which led to teaching Childrens Yoga in South Orange, NJ...

Which led to (finally) not always thinking  of myself...

Which led to letting go of the outside world more easily...

Which led to selling a home...

Which led to moving...

Which led to finding a studio where my husband could create his art...

Which led to the idea of running an art gallery out of this studio...

Which led to OVO (latin for egg, the beginning, creating)...

Which led to being right here, right now...

Which led to a sense of place...

Which led me back to the knowledge that I have a witness to my little life whose name is Richard, and he sees everything.  This idea alone makes my time on the planet worthwhile.  If there is a point...I'm good with this as my raison d'etre.

My sense of place begins and ends with the question 'Why Not?'.  I feel a deep connection to where I am right now, to whatever is happening exactly where I am.

My ultimate sense of place is firmly grounded on shifting soil.
Nothing stays the same.
Everything is on its way to becoming something else.
Including me.
Why not?

Caro

©️ Caro Kalb-Marr




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